Grief

The ending or close of anything can cause grief.

As humans we are emotional beings with the added curse of ‘sense making’. We make plans in an assumption that the world is concrete, that we will get to carry them out, that we have control over our choices and where they will lead us.

When our plans fall apart or we meet an unavoidable ending to our future plans and ideas we can at times be forever changed.

When people hear the word ‘grief’ it is synonymous with ‘loss’ but the assumption is at the loss of a loved one, a relative, friend, pet.

Most of us know this feeling by the time we reach our mid twenties. We know that we will not see, hear from, speak to, or be with the lost love one in this life time. Our hearts and minds become consumed by this and for a time we may be inconsolable. Grief never really leaves. People just learn to live with their loss and the pain becomes less intense over time giving space for memories and a chance to move forward with their new selves.

I want to share some thoughts about lost hopes, ideas, dreams.

I would propose that the loss of something non tangible can be just as devastating and life altering as grief in the traditional sense.

When we develop fanciful ideas for the future we can set ourselves up for failure. An example from my own life would be having a strong notion that becoming a psychology graduate would make my mother and grand parents really proud, that they would be overjoyed with me and attend my graduation to celebrate the fact of my success together. The reality was such that my grandparents did not attend but said if my mother couldn’t go then one of them would. My mother attended but passed comment that I hadn’t wanted her ex partner there which had upset her. His presence however would most certainly have been just as frustrating as the comment.

The day itself was good but I felt lost. I’d had attached so much to succeeding and making other people proud that I kind of forgot to develop for myself. When I graduated and the day happened as it did I felt heart broken. I no longer had the happy potential and expectation to look forward to nor did I get to develop a happy and significant enough memory to cling to in moments of doubt.

This was part of a time of huge difficulty for me in which I had to try and reposition my reasoning for success. I still have trouble positioning myself for me now but I’m working on it.

I would also propose that a significance exists with age too. That some people grieve because of lost youth or more significantly potential – giving birth to the notorious midlife crisis.

This is one example and educated suggestion of many. If you relate to this, I would love to hear your experience of grief caused by a lost idea, dream or notion…

With love and prayers for your healing and success,

Unchained Inside

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