Permission and Understanding

This April, OnceUnchained are exploring the topics of ‘shadow work‘ and ‘re-parenting‘ yourself, as a dual therapy style approach to self-healing.
This post will apply to those whom haven’t read the previous parts too, but may seem strange without context.

– Accept that you deserve love –

Many of us find it uncomfortable to be kind to ourselves, or to realise the standard of treatment and care that we are all entitled to. This can prevent us from holding others accountable for their behaviour and the way it affects us. We may refrain from acting in our own best interests when people cross our boundaries, and even make up excuses for them.

We all deserve to live free from judgement, fear, harm, and persecution. It is not okay for people to sabotage the way you feel about yourself with their words or behaviours. You should always seek to move away from people who consistently don’t share your happiness when you achieve.

*Shadow workers – Your shadow self deserves love.

– Give yourself permission to feel great –

It can often be considered in poor taste to praise yourself. Which causes us to shy away from appreciating our successes, achievements and positive qualities.

You deserve to feel good, to feel proud, to feel strong and accomplished. It is good to talk about your own achievements and successes. The people who matter will be happy for you.

*Shadow workers – Your shadow does not make you bad or undeserving of happiness.


– Give yourself understanding and compassion –

Rather than beating ourselves up for our choices, our histories and any errors perceived in retrospect, we should recognise that in any moment we made a choice based upon our historic view of the world, from a limited hand of cards that we saw as being available to ourselves.
We experience an incredible amount of stimulation during our modern day lives. It’s not surprising that we often wish we had taken more time to think about things. The truth is, we never look back from the same stance we made a choice from.

*Shadow workers – Those younger versions of yourself and those traits you’ve shoved into the darkness, are wounded infants in need of comfort. They were harmed in a time and space you are no longer in. You are capable of healing those wounds and coming together as one, to move forward as a whole.

– Allow yourself to feel –

Let your feelings out. Do what you have to do to feel better.
Generally the more pure or focused your choice of release, the longer lasting the feel good effects are:
Exercise – Long term health
Writing – Letting it out
Crafting/making – Creating a portfolio for your job/passion,
Reading – Developing knowledge or experiencing enjoyment that will stay with you.
Talking to others/spending time with animals, or in nature – Increasing your connections to the web of life.

*Shadow workers – This process is hard and fraught with big emotions. Allow yourself to move through any feelings which arise, in the most constructive, healthy way possible. Remember to journal your thoughts, feelings and difficulties in preparation for next weeks post on addressing needs.

– Act in your own best interests –

Abide The Rede… ‘An’ it hurt none, do as ye will.’ Do what you want, just don’t hurt anyone.
This includes yourself. Make choices to enhance your life because you truly deserve to feel good, you deserve to be happy.

The behaviours you choose to heal should be for you but also not at the detriment of others. By being mindful of others states, we can support progress towards healthier populations and also feel better ourselves…..

Do seek to feel better. Seek to appreciate yourself and take action to protect your own well-being.
Long term commitments might seem daunting but completing one self-care act as a minimum each day will lead you to a healthier life.

When we can fill up our own cup, caring for ourselves, we can stimulate a positive flow to feed others too.

Re-parenting phrases we might use during this development.
‘I love you and you deserve to be happy.’
‘I’m here for you.’
‘I am a whole person.’
‘All of me is worthy.’
‘You didn’t deserve that, here’s some love.’

Shadow workers
At this time, focus on your journal as though it were a separate entity.
We have been ‘meeting our inner-child’ and have been journaling those conversations. We should be starting to recognise that some parts of ourselves have been left without the love, care or acceptance they needed.

Do your opinions of yourself, prevent you from receiving love or happiness?
Do you resent certain parts of yourself to the extent that you hold yourself back or allow others to mistreat you?

Aim to identifying the spaces in life where you resist happiness.
If you are already aware of a resistance to happiness, take it a step further and consider whether or not there is evidence to suggest why you resist different types of happiness or positive emotion.


Whomever you are and whatever your path in life, you deserve love. There is no life essence unworthy of love and acceptance. We are all made of the same energy.

With love,
OnceUnchained

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