What happened, why no posts?
So for a little while there I fell off the map. As you may already know, I have been attending counselling for post traumatic stress (and other complicating factors) and this has become a final shot at a full system reboot. Trying to recover what is left of old me, what should remain and excited at what there is to discover too.
I have cried so so so much in the last couple of months. My inner child has been reached and some of the core aspects of my being realized. I am a person who comes from difficult beginings which impacted my life to follow too, to a harsh and avoidable extent.
I am a person taking control of her own mental health to become a stronger and better, partner, mother, relative, and friend.
When any person takes a journey inward, they will inevitably find sources of sadness, discomfort, resentment etc towards themselves and others or/and have thoughts they would rather not give attention to. These memories can evoke strong and intense sensations causing us to feel ‘ghost states’.
A ghost state is the state a person is in when accessing a memory where they mimic the behaviour and/or experience the emotion of their history within the memory self.
Even if the behaviours and emotions do not align with the persons present day self, the memory may be so intense that a person is taken back to that state for a time.
So when we can’t change the past and we also can’t accept it. What next?
We have to learn a new way to respond to our upsets. We have to teach our inner children to carry baggage more efficiently and to relieve ourselves of weight where we can.
The road is long and reprogramming after decades of processing one way, is a difficult task.
By choosing mind over matter we can establish more control over our responses to stimuli. We can learn to keep our hearts beating steadily in scary or uncomfortable situations.
These thoughts are my roads. They’re the streets I am walking in my silent absence. On this journey towards myself I have been afraid but I know that in allowing myself to feel and fall down, I have finally begun to learn how to pick myself back up again.
Peace, love and happy healing,